We've all seen him before. The unrealistically handsome "chef" on the back of the Lindor Truffles bags. At a superficial glance, he seems like what every woman wants: so attractive, so patient, so trustworthy--this perfect man who just wants to make you chocolates. The instinct is to sigh with appreciation and relief, enjoying the implication that each and every single Lindor truffle you eat is hand-poured by this handsome, immaculate gentleman drizzling chocolate from a golden whisk.
But the closer you look at the photo, the more it all starts to fall apart. It's all a bunch of lies--a conspiracy whose roots go deeper than any unwitting chocolate lover would dare to imagine...! First of all, what is he looking at? His eye-line is all wrong--he seems to be looking up and past his fancy golden chocolate whisk--NOT at the ball of chocolate he is supposedly filling. Which might explain why he's doing such a markedly poor job of it--the fool hasn't even noticed that he's over-filled the truffle by almost half its capacity as he stares off dreamily, letting the chocolate spill over, unaware and unconcerned. I ask you--what kind of a "master chocolatier" would do such a thing?! While we're on the subject, take a good look at the proportions of that chocolate truffle ball.
IT IS IMMENSE!!!! Good god, it's the size of a TENNIS BALL!! Larger! Anyone who has ever actually had a Lindt truffle should be tipped off by now that something is definitely up.
And while I'm at it, I'd like to go back to the part where I said the phrase "fancy golden chocolate whisk." I didn't want to interrupt the flow at the time, because I felt like we were kind of on a roll, but I would just like to take this moment to say--WHAT THE HELL!? Who uses a fancy golden whisk to make chocolate...?! Let alone to pour a specific, very tiny amount of chocolate into the narrow, very tiny hole at the top of a single, very tiny truffle. This is simply not what a whisk is for. This is a poor choice of tool. If anything, the thing to use would be some kind of extremely small, pre-measured implement, like a tablespoon or a teaspoon or an eyedropper or something. Something tiny, whose flow of chocolate you could control. The whisk, however fancy and golden, is simply not right for this task.
The moral of the story? Never trust an immaculately dressed handsome man who claims he's pouring chocolate truffles with a fancy golden whisk. I don't know what he's up to--but I'm not sure I want to find out.
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